I Had A Bad Dream

February was not my favorite month this time around. Life brought me experiences that made me angry, doubt things and just plan old sad. It gave me tales that I so desperately wanted to write about but couldn’t because they went against my blogging rules…don’t write when your emotional, don’t write anything you wouldn’t say to someone in person and don’t write about others very personal experiences unless they are your own.

So I struggled.

I needed to write. I needed to share but I hated the words that needed a space and I wasn’t happy. I was ashamed and mad. I was ashamed that I didn’t have answers and mad that sometimes we make mistakes that cant be fixed quickly. I was ashamed I was not finding the good in all of this and I was mad I couldn’t find a way to share it here so you could be here for me.

Then one night this happened…

As I slept a green picturesque hillside was decorated with red and white checkered picnic blankets. My friends giggled and talked as they soaked up the sun of this picture perfect spring day. Sips of the perfect red wine and nibbles of creamy cheese filled their stomachs. I smiled in all the joy that surrounded me. A blonde haired man approached our day. His hair sleeked back. His peach suit perfectly polyester, unexpectedly fashionable and oddly handsome. He whispered to us and coaxed us. His words made us want to come with him, follow him, trust him and we did. Then as instantly as we had trusted him, his eyes became crimson and his teeth transformed into fangs. Our happiness was instantly replaced by terrifying fear as our naive necks were plunged into. Our picturesque hillside was suddenly filled with fear. By body shook in fear and I began to cry… Nnnnoooooooo!!!! I screamed then suddenly awoken from my sleep.

I didn’t go back to sleep that morning.

I knew all the moments that had made me mad and frustrated and just plan pissed in February but I could not wrap myself around why I was so unhappy.

As the warm shower water flowed over my body that morning my mind searched to make sense of it all. Then as clearly and vividly as my dream had come to me the answers appeared too.

I wasn’t happy with things… duh right!! But what would I do next? Stay unhappy. Let what is, be? Well if you visited here enough you know that answer… hell no. Instead I would be patient with myself. Give myself some slack and reflect. Reflect on what had happened this month. Learn from what had happened, try to work on me and take time to understand others better.

So here I am working on me… imperfect, mistake maker, willing to change, still learning.

Heck Awesome Comments


4 Replies to “I Had A Bad Dream”

  1. I don’t know what’s going on with you, sister friend, but you hang in there and keep being your beautiful, caring, wonderful self. You’ll make it through. Here’s to a better March!
    Abby recently posted..AddendumMy Profile

  2. oh sister friend.
    I love that you do not blog about things that are not yours to share… I also love your spirit and your passion.
    Remember that your emotion is part of who you are and you can take a piece of what you are struggling with and make it your own, write your way through.
    You’re strong.
    You’re incredible!
    Leighann recently posted..I’m Now the Conductor (on the Withdrawal Train)My Profile

  3. I’m sorry you had such a rough February. It is hard when things are coming at you from all sides, and you can’t use your usual creative outlet to help you work through them. Hoping that March treats you much better, and that in being patient and easy with yourself, you find peace.
    Tracie recently posted..Only 24 HoursMy Profile

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