I Listened

I sat on the floor, my legs crossed indian style.  My thoughts weighed on me and heart ached.  An unfamiliar inner voice whispered to me.  It nagged at me.  It spoke to me in a dream.

“Don’t you love me?” it spoke.

I twisted the solitare diamond ring on my left finger as I stared at the floor.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  The air in my chest held me up and fueled my courage.    I looked up at him from the floor.

“I can’t marry you,” I said as the breath that held my courage left me.

My heart was crushed.  What had I done?  Was I crazy to listen to the whisper?

Days of crying,  unable to comprehend what would happen next and what life would be like now led to sessions with a therapist.   Sitting in our chairs we talked.  Her presence comforted me.   Patient in her methods she questioned and spoke.  In time I healed and a new me was discovered.  I discovered I was strong.  I was resiliant.  I was an amazing person.  I deserved more.  I was more.  I had more to give and so much more to be.  Most of all I discovered that I had learned to listen to the inner me.

The dream that I had was not just any dream.  It was an introduction.  The inner voice that had been so unfamiliar had finally introduced itself to me.   It was that moment I discovered my inner voice.  A wise and loving voice who revealed herself exactly when she needed to be found.  It was that day, the day I listened,  the day I made one of the hardest decisions of my life that my life, my path and I were changed.

 

 

 

 

Today I am linking up with the beautiful group of woman at JustBeEnough.  There is no other group of woman I would feel brave enough to share this story of: A Path Not Taken 

 

 

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14 thoughts on “I Listened

    1. You being here. Reading this. Being here…. is enough. No words are needed. I was so scared to share this but having so much support means so much! Thank you for your kind, kind, loving words!! They mean more then you know!!! XOXOX

    1. Kim… I think you give me more credit then I deserve. In the moment I remember feeling so impulsive even though I knew I had to tell him no. I have never regretted that moment. It was life changing. So incredibly hurtful, painful, hard…but life changing. It’s important to tune into the inner you. She is so wise! Thank you so much for visiting again. It means so much to have had you here. This was such a hard piece to publish!

    1. Thank you Angela. Thank you for visiting and leaving your words. It means a lot! I honestly can not believe I actually shared this, but when I thought about the prompt and this moment came to me I could not have thought of a better place then JBE. I knew my heart would be safe! It was incredibly scary and incredibly difficult. I made it through it though and I would not want it any other way. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have all I have today!

    1. I thought long and hard about this weeks prompt and this moment came to me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share it. I was scared to share it. I remember thinking a dream telling you something has to make you weird. I do not know if I was brave. In that moment I remember feeling impulsive, even though I knew I had to do it. Thank you for your very kind words. Our inner voices are very important. It’s so hard to listen sometimes!

  1. I made a similar decision several months after accepting a ring, and it does take an incredible amount of courage, and ability to listen to the voice inside. I’m grateful that you shared this page from your story, as it mirrors a page in mine.. and that your path changed for the better when you made this choice. *HUG*
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