Around these parts Saturday morning means two cups of coffee, a couple of lazy hours on the couch, tweeting with a back ground of Phineas and Ferb and …. cleaning. When 10:30 rolls around the iPhone gets put down, the Leapsters get put away and the TV gets turned off.
As quickly as my thumb clicks the power button on the remote the sighs, the awwwww moms and the Oscar winning whining begins. Now I have to give the girl credit… well me credit and Olivia (7 years old) too… just last month we finally had a break through in cleaning. Break through as in cleaning without her driving me crazy with insistent whining and discovering ways she can delay having to actually clean and seeing how long can she can keep it up before she gets enough of toys taken away to stop…let me tell you it is exhausting. She exhausts me!
This particular Saturday the girls had only one chore to do. They needed to clean the toy room (control you laughing… only chore + cleaning toy room= cleaning a room that looks like a tornado has struck leaving a path of toys covering every space of carpeting). I told them I would help them today, because it was a big job (and because it was easier then running up and down the stairs as a 7 year old and a 5 year old cleaned a toy room together trying to refrain from complaints, whining and tattling).
We walked up stairs, our spirits high as we giggled and talked about how we were totally going to rock this toy room clean up. We bet on how long we thought it we could get the room cleaned. We excitedly told each other what we were going to do after we were done cleaning.
The three of us stopped in our tracks at the doorway to the toy room.
“Ugggggg!” I thought, “That’s a lot of freckin toys!”
“I’ll clean up the food mommy!!!” (aka plastic toy kitchen food) Francine sang as she jumped right in to clean.
“Ohhhhh moooommmm thatttssssss tooo mmmuuchhh to cleannnn!” Olivia whined.
“Olivia we have been through this before…. {insert mommy lecture}… You were so good last week. Lets work together and get this done!”
“Ok mommy!”
{mini-mommy happy dance in my mind} “Go Me!” I say to myself in disbelief.
After several minutes of whine-less, blissful cleaning (Did I just say blissful cleaning… I really need to raise my standards!)
I hear, “Ohhhhhhhh mmmooommmm thhissss issss tooo muchhhh. I just cannn’t dooo it anymoreeee!”
I take a breath and pause to contemplate my next course of action. Suddenly, I catch Olivia studying me. As I open my mouth to lay out the law and give my usual if you don’t do this you will loose this line, the corner of Olivia’s lip curls into a smile. Gears turn in my head. The world slows to a flashing halt. Visions flash through my head reminding me of all the things Olivia has done lately that I thought she couldn’t do. The fog has lifted and fireworks go off in a blaze of sparking aahhhhh haaaaaa.
I close my mouth, stand up and walk over to Olivia.
In my firm mommy voice and a n extra stern mommy face Isay, “Stand up!”
With a what the heck is she going to do, how much trouble am I in this time look she stands and worriedly looks up at me. I make a fist with my hand and bring my imaginary bugle to my mouth. I begin to loudly hum Taps.
“daaa daaa daaaaaaa daa daa daaaaa daaaaa da daaaaa da da daaaa da da…”
I put down my imaginary bugle and place my right hand over my heart. I look down at the floor and hang my head with a frown in imaginary sadness.
I say, “Today we put to rest the Whining Monster.”
Olivia looks at me studying my face.
“After years of fake whining, award winning acting and scamming mommy, today we bury the Whining monster.
Laughter fills the room as Olivia and her sister comprehend what I am doing. Her hands cover her face as she grins and belly laughs in disbelief and surprise.
“We are sad today to put it to rest.” I continue, “We will miss the Whining Monster. You brought us insane amounts of whining, drove mommy crazy and tried to avoid cleaning. Today I declare Olivia is a big girl. A big girl that can do way more then she lets on to mommy. No more scamming, no more whining for today we know what she can really do! We will not miss you! Good-bye Whining Monster Monster.”
As her belly laughs slow into giggles, I look at Olivia to watch her reaction and we smile at each other.
As I begin to walk back to the spot I was cleaning I see Olivia slowly drop her head. Her lips make a frown and I hear her mumble, “Awwwwww man! Now I am going to have to actually clean!”