I stood in my bathroom, finishing up my makeup. Tears welled in my eyes. My chest moved in and out and I worked hard to breath out the nerves. Continue reading
I’ve started this post in my head about ten times.
Then I started drawing this post.
Then I thought about writing it.
Then I started drawing some more.
Now…here I am now writing my post and like most years, in true Carrie fashion I am taking my own sweet time to get my new year goals up and shared.
I am unsure about who to be, what to share, should I share it all, should I stay more mainstream, is it ok to share it all and what this space will offer for people.
I am… lost.
Up until this new year I have had absolutely no problem at all…ever…EVER writing my goals or picking my word for the year. This year I suddenly feel stuck, torn, a smidge lost, but in the best way ever. In a way I could not be more incredibly happy about being lost and totally and completely confused at the same time.
Let me back up a bit…
When I was in 5th grade I rode my bike to school (it actually was up hill…but only one way) every day to volunteer to work with the a class of students with significant disabilities in a special education at my school. It was during that exact summer I knew in that instant that I wanted to be a special education teacher. Since that moment I have always known, to my core, without a doubt, I was made to be a special education teacher.
It was life changing (yes even that early on).
Fourish years ago I started blogging. I found words, a voice and a confidence I had never had before. I found a community with other woman that supported me, made me brave, gave me confidence and helped me heal. It is also a community of woman that taught me to love my words and helped me discover a part of me that loved to create and illustrate graphically.
It was life changing.
Three years ago my educational career changed. The way I taught changed and I changed as an educator. I rekindled a lost passion, I learned to take risks as an educator, I found my voice as an educator and I took hold of and went after my passion to speak at conferences and educate other teachers.
It was life changing.
This Winter Break I decided to pick up sharpies and start drawing. I was nervous and terrified my drawings would turn out awful, but instead I thought they turned out ok and more important then that I absolutely, ABSOLUTELY LOVED weaving my words in with my drawings to create my stories. It filled me up like creating and writing had NEVER done before.
…and suddenly I was stuck! What did I want my goal to be? Keep writing? Keep drawing? Start making cards? Create things for others? Keep presenting? Keep sharing about things happening in my classroom? Start proposing to speak at larger conferences? Keep sharing ideas I had about using technology with students? I know, I know…real hard problem to have Carrie. To me it is, because you see I deeply love all of it but I also know myself and I want to be the best at all I do. I am also realistic and know that to do that it that way takes lots and lots and lots of time.
So I took some time (remember how I said I started this post like four times…now you see why!) I thought about it all. then I decided to talk to my most favorite person and best listener of this rambling, idea spewing dreamer…my husband.
I discovered I could have it all.
I could do it all.
That my goals could still be what I wanted them to be, I would just need to adjust them a bit.
My 2015 Goals:
1. To share more consistently here…more then once a week, more then every other week…2-3 times a week and all of it…my stories, educational stories and ideas and my drawings too.
2. To own, embrace, know, believe that I am an Artist…there I said it, out loud, right here…I’m an Artist…I am an artist…ok I am still working on it.
3. Continue to present, share my educational experiences and ideas at educational conferences but continue at the state level
4. Draw more…a lot more! Make it part of my weekly routine.
5. Open an Etsy Shop…cards, drawings, doodles (oh and my daughters want in too)
Most of all to worry less about being one thing or another. Worry less…about needing to define and express only one part of who I am in this space, to fit in a box and share only one part of me and to not worry about if I am viewed as an artist, an educator, a mom or wife. Instead be all of them, share who I am, share all parts of me and just be me.
It started with a Fast Company article: Google Reveals Its 9 Principles of Innovation. Each of the nine points spoke to me, whispered to me…take big risks, try new ideas, new strategies and new interventions. Do it even when part of me doubts myself or worries what others will think. Take more time to draw and create artistically. It fills you up and fuels a creative and bohemian side of me.
It was Tracie from From Tracie. She shared her reflections of 2013 and her resolution to Act in 2013. Her words were strong, honest and deeply moving. She spoke from the heart and with great disappointment in herself. She was so honest and so deeply reflective. I admired her level of reflection and her dedication to looking deeply and striving to better herself. Heck, I couldn’t remember what my resolution for 2013 was.
THEN Continue reading