Whenever…If Ever

Our two-person table was right next to the window.  Exactly the same table we sat at last time we were here.  A purple t-shirt hung framed on the wall above us.  Printed on us was “Help Clare Fight Prostate Cancer 2012”.  A waitress walked by us wearing purple tie-dyed, knee high, athletic socks and the same purple t-shirt.  The Cubs game played on televisions as gray haired regulars around us ordered their weekly fried fish. 
I waited all month day to see her.  Finally we were sitting down at our favorite dive restaurant for our sister’s night.  Drinks were ordered.  We just needed to decide on what to eat. 
I needed to decide if I was going to ask her.
“What do you have a taste for?” she asked.
“I have to have the Southwest Egg rolls. I’ve had a taste for them all week!” I smiled.
“Ok,” she replies. “I think I’ll have the nachos then.”
“OOOOOO that sounds great!  That means we can share.”
We talked and talked.  We had so much to catch up on.  We talked about her job, my kids, my job, friends and life in general.  No matter how long it has been we never seem to miss a beat. 
I had waited so long to ask.
Throughout my sisters 7 year marriage I had never asked her.  The miscarriages I had before we had children left me fully aware of the pain that comes with wanting children and not being able to have them.  The scar it left on my heart and the emotional memories it engrained in me were reminders of what not to ask or say. 
I waited for the right moment. 
Seven years of memories and moments, time spent together, carefully listening for hints of what I wanted to hear and I was still left me needing to know.  I wanted to be respectful of her journey.  I needed to know if she was suffering or if her heart was in pain. 
It was now or never. 
I took a deep breath and hoped my words came out the right way.
“I have never asked because I am sure that you get asked a lot.  I just want to see how you are doing.  So, Are you and Brad thinking of having kids?” I hoped that my words were sensitive and not too direct.
She smiled at me and looked down. 
She took a breath and looked at me with a forced smile, “We are trying but it hasn’t been long enough to be worried or get help.” 
“Oh,” I replied. 
“I hope you don’t mind that I asked.” 
She politely smiled and said, “No its ok.”
I sat and listened as she shared with me.  My eyes focused on just her.  I didn’t want to miss any of her words and needed to connect with how she was feeling.  My heart became heavy and suddenly I was overwhelmed with sadness.  I felt the tears start to well in my eyes.  I kept listening.
In between the Southwest Egg Rolls I savored, laughing until I cried, drinks, long talks and hours of fun spent with my sister I had asked the question.  I asked a question I was afraid to ask and in return I realized something.  I didn’t really want to know the answer to my question (ok, I wanted to know a little bit).  I desperately wanted her to know, to remind her, that I was here for her for anything, whenever and if ever she needed me.

Kir and Her Cupcakes

I met her through Just.Be.Enough.  A few interactions through our blogs and  twitter was all it took….

Kirsten from The Kir Korner is one of the most warm and genuine people I have come to know through blogging.  She has been down some rough roads and visited some dark places, but she survived and she is wonderful.   She chats with you and your day is instantly brightened. Her words bring a smile to your face. Oh and did I mention she is an amazing writer… cause she is!
 
Two weeks ago I was catching up on my blog reading.  I saw my usually daily dose of Kir in my inbox. The title read Pour My Heart Out: My Comments are like Cupcakes.  She told us about her love for cupcakes, “…they are an instant celebration in a small paper cup.”   She shared her favorite kind, “…store bought birthday cake,  vanilla on vanilla with butter cream balloons.”  Then she did it.  She made the connection between her favorite decorated treat and she told us what she excelled at… leaving comments…  
“I believe our stories are our cakes, our attempts at baking from scratch and setting it on the table so everyone can look at and admire it. We want our guests to enjoy the dessert we offer, to smack their lips and lick their forks, satisfied with our effort. 

In many ways, I like to think my comments are like cupcakes; a tiny piece of that much bigger cake.

A dainty yet delectable slice of my heart that I give you in exchange for the stories and secrets you have made and shared with me.

I may not be good at a lot of things, but I can promise you that if I read your words, I will never leave your space without leaving a whole lot of sweetness behind.” 

That was all it took.  I was instantly inspired.  A spot in me that longed for a new creative outlet was filled. The spot that had to step away from blogging commitments, write less and focus on me and my family was filled with warmth and inspiration.   

 

@InAPaperWrapper  was born… I would turn my love for twitter as not just a way to connect with others and make new friends, but as a way to spread cupcakes and thoughtful words.  I would use my strengths and Kir’s inspiration to help make others smile. So while I do not have as much time to write as I want, the small moments I have on twitter to recognize other, be thoughtful and spread cupcakes warms the moments in my day!

 

Thank you Kir!

Hats of a Many Sorts

Today we are joined by an unlikely Adventurer. For months my husband has watched, self-lessly supported my newest adventure and has proudly read every post I have written. Today he has decided he wanted to take a turn and lend his voice to the Kindred Adventure! He is throwing his hat into the ring… (Pun…I know. I couldn’t help myself!)

Have you ever realized how many hats you wear in a given day?  It is no wonder why at the end of long work week we are so tired.

Take my wife for example. When she wakes up in the morning, she is my blushing bride, even though it has been 13 years of marriage. She wears the hat of ‘wife.’

Shortly after waking up and wearing the hat of wife, she is off to get ready for work. At that point it is just her and her thoughts. Planning for the day she wears the hat of ‘herself’.
Now it is downstairs to get dressed and do hair for what will certainly be an adventure at work. But before she dawns on the hat of‘ teacher, ‘mentor’ and ‘friend’ she will wear more hats.
Before work she also wears the hat of ‘mother’ as she makes sure her girls have the clothes they need because she will be gone before theywake.
She wears the hat of ‘concerned citizen’ as she drives towork listen to Chicago’s 720 AM.
She wears the hat of  ‘driver’ as she makes her way down the road to where she will once again touch a child’s heart and mind. Once at work,she wears the hat of ’teacher.’
She endures a long day but fruitful day because the hat of a ‘teacher’ is one that she has longed for her entire life. Does that hat fither, I believe it does!
She is on her way home now, wearing the hat of ‘driver’ again enduring lots of traffic and the wonderful world of construction that Illinois highways always provide.
It doesn’t stop there though. Once home, she becomes the Nascar driver that just won the race, taking pictures with crew and dawning anew hat for each of his sponsors. She is ‘mommy,’ ‘loving daughter,’ ‘lovingwife,’ and when the texting starts, ‘a great friend.’
That’s a lot of hats! It is no wonder why she is so tired at the end of the week! That’s when I have to make sure to wear my hat and stand tall as ‘loving husband.’

Ok so… he’s a keeper huh?! And I’m a lucky gal, but I already knew that!

                                                        Laverne’s
                                                        Hubby
                                                                        (we might just need to come up
                                                                                             with a nick name for him)

Grandma’s Basement

Darkness at my feet. Heart pounding. Shadows tease me. I’m frozen. My mind Whisper lies. Holding my breath. Dare I? The Light switch is in there. Ruunn for it…

This week Write On Edge invited writers to compose a text–160 
characters–that would either elicit or express fear.

                                            
Note to reader: I do not know what terrified me more this moment or writing this post.  Yes I said writing this post.  You would think being the texting, tweeting mad woman I am that 160 characters would be a simple…aheemmm I did. HaHa I was wrong!…I suppose I could have written a fear prompt on writing this prompt!  I can not wait to read the others posts and learn from there writing…I’m taking notes!  
                                                                                                             

Passionately Optimistic

Its warmth starts in my belly and it rises to make chest. It grabs on tight. My breath is taken away just a bit. The energy inside me streams from my chest, through my shoulders prickles my elbows and tingle out my fingers.
I am passionate about life.

I love my life.

I embrace all the good it brings me.
There is good in everything.  Pain that life delivers can be survived. A bad day… there is always tomorrow to change it. Pain in your heart and anger fueled by jealousy for what I do not have, is healed by time. Money is tight, we will find a way. It will all work out. Not  happy with how something went, look deep, make a decision and use the strength you have to change it.

I am an optimist.

Time will always show you the good, even in the bad.
It will all work out.

My life infuse my days with passion and insist that I see all fantastic things that are in it.  I see life for all the good it has in it. It gives me hope, endless possibilities.  I grab onto life with passion. It gives me energy, zest.

I am fueled by my passion and by my optimism.

                                                                                                          
This Just.Be.Enough Post was inspired by the
new Just.Be.Enough Weekly Theme
This weeks theme: What Fuels You*
I am writing, posting and linking up to share my voice.
my part to carry the weight of confidence, empowerment and sharing the mission of empower, inspire and
remind women, parents and children that
the time has come to celebrate ourselves… myself!
It’s your turn now…
 *Next Weeks Theme: 
“5 Reasons to Smile” 
 (Remember you can also write on a topic of your choice.)

A Letter to My Girls

To My Girls…
Life is an adventure. 
Many of your adventures will be well planned.   You’ll set goals, have clear directions, know what you want and what to expect.  Reaching your destination will bring you great pride and a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Other adventures will be unwanted.  They will be adventures you cannot plan for.  These may cause you pain, heartbreak, sadness and even delay your trip or stop you in your path.Some of your adventures will be impulsive.  You will take them without thinking or thought.  You destination unknown. They will be unplanned, mysterious and exciting.  

Many of your adventures will be unexpected.  They will be an unplanned moment in your life.  They will not be forced or planned.  They will come to you when you are not expecting them.  They will surprise you, enrich your life and fill your heart in unknown places.

Never be afraid of life’s adventures.

Your strength will drive you towards your destination and get you there when you think you can’t.  Your imagination will take you places others couldn’t see existed and find your way when others are stuck.  Your love of life will allow you to embrace any road you come to and enable you to jump right in to it.  Your attention to detail will help you connect with others, enrich your relationships and help you show others you care about them.   Your helpfulness will allow you connect with others, while your stubbornness will get you through roadblocks others would have given up on.   Your  love of language and easy understanding of words will soar you to places and amazing opportunities.   Your love for your family will ensure that we will always be there to celebrate your good times or hold you when things get rough.

The adventures you planned may not always go exactly the way you want them to. The unwanted adventures will always teach you something unexpected and remind you of your strength.  The impulsive adventures might be the scariest ones but they will also be rewarding and the most fun.  And the unexpected adventures will change your life forever.

This is your unwritten, wonderful, incredible life.  

Grab on tight and jump right in…because the adventure is all yours!

                                                                                                                
 Pictures were taken from  Kindred Adventures on Pinterest.  
 Their original source: moredesignplease.com and speeding-cars-x.xanga.com
This Just.Be.Enough Post was inspired by the
new Just.Be.Enough Weekly Theme
This weeks theme: A Letter to My Child*
I am writing, posting and linking up to share my voice.
my part to carry the weight of confidence, empowerment and sharing the mission of empower, inspire and
remind women, parents and children that
the time has come to celebrate ourselves… myself!
It’s your turn now…
 *Next Weeks Theme: 
“What Fuels You?” 
 (Remember you can also write on a topic of your choice.)

The ‘Eyes’ Have It

It was Monday.  Elena did her usual link up motivational post.  This time she added something… a new something… a special something… an inspiring something.  She added an optional writing prompt for this Monday’s link up: Standing Taller.  It was more than a prompt to me.  I was inspired, I was all in and then it was my mission.  Wait… What does standing taller even mean to me?  How do I stand taller?  What makes me stand taller?  Do I even stand tall?  Do I need to work on standing taller?

It was my favorite day of the work week… The night of the week I get to stop and buy dinner.  The night I don’t have to cook.  I walked into Jimmy John’s to order sandwiches. “Hi welcome to do a Jimmy John’s. What can we get you?”

The girls were fantastic. Olivia crossed off the list and Francine pick things off the shelf.  No fighting, no whining… a small mommy victory, my own personal moment. Walking to the checkout line at the grocery store the cashier warmly says hello to Olivia and Francine. Olivia shies away at first. “You’re with me sweetie. It’s okay to say hi,” I say to Olivia.

I was busy answering e-mails and getting things done on the computer.  I was a machine and my To Do list was quickly dwindling… yeah me!  A colleague at work walked into my room.  She wanted to run some ideas by me and share an exciting new program she was using.  I looked up to say Hi and welcome her in.  I was on a roll… I was getting things done!  I kept working as she started talking.  I nodded, uh-huh uh-huh and I briefly looked up.

Then it all made sense to me.

I started to place my order. My eyes instantly looked to the floor as I talked. Why was I you looking down?  I’m a confident, strong woman with nothing to prove or be intimidated by.  It was the freckin’ Jimmy John’s order guy for goodness sakes. I looked up from the floor and looked him in the eyes. I continued with my order.  My shoulders instantly went back,  my face lit up a bit and my 5’11 frame stood taller.

Olivia shied away.  A mom look and a friendly mom nudge was all it took.  She instantly stood taller, confidently looked the woman in the eyes and said, “Hi”.   A smile quickly came to her face and a hands over her head, 1 foot, spinning ballet twirl showed me how happy she was with herself.

My collegue continues to share.  My head was still in the computer, but I was listening. I stopped. I looked up, closed the computer and looked her straight in the eyes.  A smile came over her face.  Her shoulders went back a little.  My attention was fully hers.

Eye contact can mean so many different things.  Some cultures value it, while some are intimidated or even offended by it.  Families put varying levels of importance on it. To me, this prompt, this challenge, this mission reminded me…My eyes.
The simple act of looking someone in the eyes…
It requires confidence in me, confidence in who am and confidence in what I am saying.  Making good eye contact makes me stand taller.  Most importantly,  eye contact shows people I am confident in myself.  Eye contact shows people we are confident ourselves.   Eye contact shows others they they are important to us.    Eye contact gives us all a little more height.
                                                                                                            
This Just.Be.Enough Post was inspired by the
new Just.Be.Enough Weekly Theme
This weeks theme: Standing Taller*
I am writing, posting and linking up to share my voice.
my part to carry the weight of confidence, empowerment and sharing the mission of empower, inspire and
remind women, parents and children that
the time has come to celebrate ourselves… myself!
It’s your turn now…
Come Share Your Story!!

 *Next Weeks Theme: “I knew I had to…” or your choice

Just.Be.Enough: Usually Unusual Enough

It is MONDAY and time for MY Story…
I am writing, posting and linking up to share my voice.  
As a contributor at JustBeEnough.com I am doing 
my part to carry the weight of confidence, empowerment and 
sharing the mission of empower, inspire and 
remind women, parents and children that 
the time has come to celebrate ourselves… myself!
I have wonderful memories of the outings my dad meaningfully planned with each of us, every year.  He has always taken great pleasure in planning just the right one for each of his daughters and each one meant so much to him.  To spend time with each of us, individually, was done with great effort and purpose!  This summer he decided to give new life to this tradition.  At 36, 34 and 30, my dad decided it was time to start having Daddy Daughter Days with us again.

Friday afternoon, the girls were with Grandma for afternoon.  My Dad and I were on the Blue Line, riding to the Cubs game.  It as standing room only and the “L” car (Elevated Train… for non-Chicagoans) was sprinkled with red and blue.  The Cardinals were in town.  One transfer later we were standing shoulder to shoulder riding the Addison bus on our way to Wrigley.  My Dad was full of conversation, reminiscing and sharing stories.  There was the Veterinary Hospital I worked at in his teens (I’d heard all the stories before, but who was I to stop him! Besides each time he tells the story something new comes out). Next was the story of the man who claimed he could out ride (on a bicycle) a city bus. 
“Some claim to fame!”, I say.  
“Weren’t so many stops and the road wasn’t as busy back then.  He had to have been fast!” Dad says. 
His memory continues to flow as he shows off reciting the buildings on the corners with his back turned to the intersection.  We were in no rush, we had no set plans… I was me and my Day.  Daddy and daughter.
Way, way up to our upper deck seats,  Nose bleed seats we call them.  I was flooded with memories of why I love Wrigley Field.  A couple of beers and a hot dog later, my dad and I spent inning after inning remembering other Cubs games and displayed giddy smiles as the Thunder Birds do fly-bys over the stadium, practicing for the Air and Water Show the next day. 
Bottom of the 8th, the Cubs are down one.  It is my usual Wrigley experience… the Cubs losing.  A base running error in a clutch situation… usual Cubs game experience.  One hit and then another, they were back in the game.  Fifteen games out of first place, tie game in the top of the 10th inning… a less likely Cubs game experience.  Bottom of the 10th, a hit, a sacrifice bunt and a game winning RBI…. CUBS WIN!  
We left the confines singing, “Go Cubs, Go… Go Cubs, Go….” and smiling from ear to ear (can’t say I ever saw my dad sing).  We were relishing in the display of baseball we had seen and basking in the joy that our team had won! (an unusual Cubs game experience for me)

We oozed happiness.  The day could not have ended better.  This day, like most days spent with my dad, was Just.Enough The game, for the Cubs, proved what we long time Cubs fans always know… they are Just.Enough… they just need to start believing it too! 

                                                                                                       
Every MONDAY join us… 
Write, Post, Link-Up, share your story and your voice.  
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence, empowerment and share our mission to empower, inspire, and remind 
 women, parents and children
that the time has come to celebrate ourselves! 

How you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week?


Be more the Just.Enough for someone else…

Bellflower Books will be sponsoring the Be Enough Me Monday link ups for ONE month, starting on August 22nd. For every 20 people that link up with a story of how they lived the Be Enough Me “feeling” that week, Bellflower will donate ONE $75 gift certificate to a family identified by Crickett’s Answer for the creation of a 20-page memory book. We will keep a running total of links over the four Mondays and hope to reach our goal of 120 links, 
which would provide TEN Bellflower memory books.

Just.Be.Enough: 8 Miles

I am starting a brand new adventure.  It is an adventure that is so close to my heart,  that I am so passion about and that I am so overwhelmingly terrified and excited about….

“Just.Be.Enough… was founded in July of 2011 by Elena Sonnino. The idea for the site came to her as she was swimming laps, training for a triathlon, thinking about the importance of feeling confident and empowered. 

 

 It all started when she was reading a blog post about accepting ourselves even with our imperfections which led to a link up on her own blog C.Mom asking women to create a Things I Like About Me list. The struggle that followed for many was eye opening. The focus on imperfections and flaws had taken seed and had deep roots that were hard to change. But so many women did. And as a result, they walked taller, felt empowered, and took the Internet by storm. 

 

Just.Be.Enough. will share the stories, the voices, the truths of many. Its mission is to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents, and children that that the time has come to celebrate ourselves. We must. We must carry the weight of confidence and empowerment on our shoulders instead of allowing the burden of our flaws and imperfections to push us down.” About Us www.justbeenough.com 

 

Myself and eight others indescribably Just.Enough women have been overwhelmingly lucky to have the opportunity to share this adventure with Elena.  Every Monday, we will all be joining Elena at www.justbeenough.com to link up and share our story of the week about how you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week.  


This week Olivia drove me nuts. 

 
Crying, screaming, yelling, mad, more crying… tantrums. 
 
Olivia is five years old.  

More crying, more tantrums, hitting her sister.
       
I usually don’t go to Twitter vent about moments like this, but I just needed to lay it all out there. Suddenly,  I had two warm, responsive women asking me how old she was and happy to share with me what worked for them and their children.  They kindly shared. Their empathy for my moment reminded me that I was not alone.  

She made me crazy.

The girl made me crazy.

Wednesday came.  The girls and I packed up the backpack with snacks and water, put the jogging stroller in the back of the car and we were on our way to our favorite path by the river for a long walk.  It was a great eight mile walk with the girls in the stroller, the iPod playing our favorite tracks  and me pushing them along.  Two hours later (with a snack in between) and a new quarter sized blisters on my heal,  I smiled as I watch them play at the park.  

Today there was no whining, there was no crying, there was not a single hit,  there were no, “I’m MAD at you! “ or “You’re a MEAN mommy”,  there were no tantrums on the floor. 

There were pleases, there were thank yous,  there were smiles, there was, “Olivia can you help Mommy with this ?” and the response was, “Sure Mommy!”  

This week’s experiences reminded me that I am enough.  I am doing the right things with Olivia.   I do know what I am doing.  It reminded me that Olivia is her own person.  She has her own mind and her own will.  This reminded me that it is her job to grow up.  It’s her job to push me away.  It’s her job to test me and my limits.  It is my job to make her feel safe, give her structure and give her limits.  It is my job to teach her how to deal with these new things, new feelings, new situations, and new experiences.

So, with a little help from some new found friends on an unlikely source I realized that I was going to be enough.  My child, like all children, has her moments.  Sometimes the moment is an hour, sometimes a day and in my case sometimes it is three days, but it just means that they are growing up. So, even if it does make me want to lay on the floor, makes me want to pound my fists and makes me want to cry… I am Just.Enough! 

                                                                    


Every MONDAY join us… 
Write, Post, Link-Up, share your story and your voice.  
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence, empowerment and share our mission to empower, inspire, and remind 
 women, parents and children
that the time has come to celebrate ourselves! 

How you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week



We can not wait to hear about it!


Family Vacation

Last Friday marked our first family get away, just us four, in four years.
We were off to Michigan.
Now I don’t know if it was the GPS, Indiana roads, construction of my lack of skills as a navigator using a GPS (deep, growling sigh to admit it might have been my fault)…
We got lost!
I’m talking terribly lost.
We got lost straight to beautiful Gary, Indiana… The “roll your windows up, lock your doors kids” nice part of Gary, Indiana.
After an hour of driving around and my hubs homing pigeon (I think a few lucky turns) like direction skills and we were back on the same ten minutes to go one mile (moving so slow someone at a slow jog could have gone faster then us), thirteen miles stretch of construction consumed road for the second time!
{Cue angelic music} We were finally back on our way to Michigan!
So…
8 Twizzlers
1 Large Gatorade
2 Handfuls of Peanut M & Ms (ok large handfuls)
1 Watchamacall it
2 Ho Ho’s
3 Handfuls of Fruit Loops
2 Cans of Coke
1 Lost Zoople (and Zoople found and Zoople broke)
1 Stretch of 13 mile, move 1 mile every 10 minutes construction heavy strip of highway
Multiple moments of found, lost and found again sanity
45 minute nap
2 States
6 hours (of a what should have been 3 hours)
We arrived at the hotel!
and the pound on the seat, laugh until you tear moment of the trip…
Hubs says :”Hey kids we are in Michigan.” 
Francine: “Daaaadddy!… We’re not in Michigan we’re still in our car!”

*Note to any concerned person regarding the quantity of unhealthy food consumed during this trip:  It was not all consumed by me!  We were on vacation people! We all had a nice healthy breakfast before we started this trip!